What’s Wrong With Sex Before Marriage?

Very interesting questions and its very thoughtful answer. A must read! So let me reproduce it for you.

Courtesy: Christianity Today – Tim Stafford
Image Courtesy: Visualphotos.com

What’s Wrong With Sex Before Marriage?

What’s Wrong With Sex Before Marriage?

Q: I’m a 16-year-old Christian who recently gave up my virginity. I waited until I really loved my boyfriend, and I knew he loved me. I don’t think sex has anything to do with the fact that you’re married or single. I think it’s a choice each person has to make by asking themselves if they’re prepared for the outcome if something goes wrong. I talked to my partner about the possible outcomes. We used protection and nothing bad happened.

My boyfriend broke up with me recently. I know it wasn’t because of sex, it was just because we had grown apart in our relationship. We’re still best friends and we talk all of the time. I still don’t regret anything I’ve done because I know I loved my boyfriend, and I always will. So why do people judge me when they find out that I’m not a virgin?

A: You feel criticized by people who learn you aren’t a virgin, but you might be surprised to know that some people feel criticized for just the opposite reason—because they’ve never had sex! It depends on who is doing the criticism, and what their philosophy is. In America today there are at least two very different philosophies of sex.

You’ve done a good job articulating the way sex is seen by many, especially on TV sitcoms, in most movies, and in supermarket magazines. The key to this philosophy is the individual—his or her likes and dislikes, his or her choices and responsibility. In this view, sex is a way for individuals to enjoy each other. Each person must decide individually whether to make love or not, with whom, and for how long. The only constraint should be whether they’re prepared to handle the consequences. You can’t avoid some risks, so you ought to face them honestly, minimize them if you can, and take responsibility for the results, whatever they are. If you should happen to get a sexually transmitted disease, or become pregnant, or decide you’re not meant for each other, those are just the breaks of the game. Most likely you’ll move through a number of sexual relationships before you find one that gives you lasting satisfaction. (And some people never find that, but keep moving from one partner to the next.)

If you follow this philosophy, there’s no reason to blame you for losing your virginity. If someone had a baby and didn’t take care of it, or contracted AIDS and whined about it, that would be wrong. But there’s nothing wrong with what you’ve done—if you believe this philosophy.

I follow a different philosophy based on Christian truth and Scripture. The key to this philosophy is relationship. Sex, according to this view, is the way for individuals to bind themselves in a total relationship, in which two people become a single loving unit for the rest of their lives. In other words, sex is all about marriage and family. Your individual choice remains important, but it doesn’t remain supreme forever. You become “one flesh” with a member of the opposite sex, by choosing to marry. Sex goes with a commitment. You lose a certain amount of freedom, a certain amount of individuality. But you gain a lifelong partner and soulmate.

That’s why some people are letting you know they disapprove of what you’ve done. According to Christian thinking, you’ve missed the mark. You may have had good intentions, but you didn’t understand what sex is for. You thought it was for enjoyment, long-term or short. According to a Christian view, sex is for enjoyment in marriage—and you’ve put that at risk. You’ve behaved in a way that makes it harder for you, your partner, and all your future partners to experience the real joy of sex. When you’re used to going freely from one sexual relationship to the next, it’s hard to stay with just one person. Sexual habits are very powerful.

You can argue about which works best. But I believe the Christian way gives the most benefits and offers the greatest chance of a satisfied life. You can see the consequences of an individualistic philosophy all around, and that’s because the individualistic view of sex is unrealistic. You meet someone, decide to have sex, then go your separate ways. As long as you used protection, “nothing bad happened.”

But I’d say that something bad did happen to you and your boyfriend. A bond that was meant to be permanent was thrown away.

People who love each other enough to expose their bodies and their love to each other in total vulnerability aren’t meant to ever be torn apart. Even though you don’t regret anything, I’d be surprised if the memories of that first, failed relationship don’t stick with you. Sex is not just a physical thing. It’s spiritual. When you tear apart after sex, there are consequences.

I’d urge you to think hard about which philosophy you want to follow. Do you want to stay in tune with the modern media or invest in historic wisdom? The way you answer will have lifelong implications, so think hard.

Homely Meals – A Movie which took me to my past

Homely-Meals-Malayalam-Movie

This time intentionally I like to talk about a Movie.

Normally I am not a very strict movie goer. Whenever, I am convinced that the movie is good I just go and watch that movie, otherwise I do not waste much time in a movie theater. So, this time when Bony advised that this movie is worth watching, I thought, OK let me go for it! Movie was filled with humor, and moreover the script is carefully sewed around the Technical field in visual media industry. Film succeeded in communicating technical aspects and tremendous handwork behind a couple of minutes filmed program to a common man. Moreover, what shook me is the hero of the movie Alan (Vipin Atley). He took me to my past.

Still I remember, he came into my nights to share his passion and thoughts about Cinema and also about pain and challenges he is facing. He was so young to take this pain so, always my advice was to complete his studies before following his passion. Somehow I lost connection with my complete past or did I purposefully tried to forget the complete past where I was brought up? Whatever it, I succeeded in forgetting my native region only keeping fainted memories and Vipin was there in the shadows of my memory. At the first shot itself I knew, the story was about him and his life.

This movie is a craft of his years of painful life even thou the movie is full of humor. As a hero, Vipin have nothing to act on this script, He simply lived in it, because he simply wrote about himself!

And I am so happy to see Vipin is well known in industry. I think, his life is a case-study for anyone, who want to pursuit his passion. Let Vipin grow more high in a fruitful way. God bless!

Quite time with Jesus!

002Quite time with Jesus – As a JY, I believe this is the prime fundamental a JY must practice in order to renew his Christ encounter on a daily basis. However, confessing that this is one of most shaken pillar in my life – Personal Time with Jesus, or in other words ‘Personal Prayer’.

Even now, I have lots of excuses to defend me. I am running a big family, have to mentor youngsters, meetings, busy schedules at office etc. But the fact is that somewhere I lost the taste of my quite time with Jesus. How? When? Where?… The answer is “It is a mystery”.

If we analyze, the funny things is that I cannot find a visible stopper for personal prayer. Hence cannot eliminate the stopper. I think others also went through similar experiences.

Actually, the real fight is between body and soul. Body wants to push the spiritual aspect of life aside to find better opportunities to entertain and satisfy the needs of the body. So, it tries to conquer my mind by tempting thoughts of nice sleep, or it may command the mind to focus of boring aspects of the prayers like pain of kneeling etc., or else into depressing mood changes. In some other situation, prayer becomes a daily ritual where Jesus is not present.

The real deed is when you are able to talk to Jesus like you talk to you intimate friend. For that one should get a strong conviction that Jesus is my real intimate friend. How convince yourself that Jesus is your real intimate friend? The truth is that you cannot!

So, How to make Jesus your intimate friend? We will discuss it next time.

God bless!

Short-term solitude

It was a difficult commitment. However, I succeeded in keeping my pen down, and stepped-out from my virtual world. Indeed first couple of weeks there was temptation to peep into the my social media pages. Then slowly the temptations frozen down bringing me Joy and Freedom which is immense and unconditional!

It gave me a kind of inner peace, more time for my ministries and family. The commitment ended on Jan 1st. However, I am planning to keep a reduced presence and will write further experiences in this blog.